somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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