so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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