Someone shit on the floor
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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