love makes seman taste better
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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