i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
