he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
