I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
