I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
