he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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