6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
