His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
