they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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