It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
