He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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