Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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