Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
