The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
