did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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