Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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