it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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