forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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