What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
