Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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