i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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