How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
