at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
