Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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