That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
