Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
