I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
