I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
