Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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