Well apparently he's into motor boating.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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