it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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