I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
