Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
