Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
