My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
