A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
