Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
