I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
