May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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