You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
