Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
