she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
