she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
