Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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