at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
