He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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