Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
