I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
