im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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