i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
