I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
