I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When are your genitals available?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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