i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
