I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
