were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
