I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just threw up on my dentist
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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